


Eternity

by Annsabella



Series: Life and Love [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Depression, F/M, Love, Sexual Content, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:09:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29762898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annsabella/pseuds/Annsabella
Summary: Commander Chakotay must deal with the death of his sister in order to move on with his life.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Life and Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179890
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Eternity

The next morning, Chakotay awoke with a stiff neck and a heaviness on his left thigh. His hand reached up to massage the pain with his fingers as a soft hiss escaped through his teeth. Without examining the obstruction, he attempts to shift. A soft moan floats up, causing his eyes to drift downward. It was Kathryn, using his leg for a pillow. It was then he remembered how he fell asleep in this position. 

Once she revealed her true feelings and he his, they sat down together on the sofa holding each other. No words were necessary, it was just nice being in her company. He could feel her leaning against him, his arm across her back, holding her close. She leaned into him, her hand sliding across his stomach to grasp his side, her head resting against his shoulder. At some point he closed his eyes, relishing the taste of her on his lips. It was bittersweet, remembering the crucible that precipitated this interaction in the first place, his sister Sekaya.

She was dead, and every hope he’d had for his family’s legacy was not only gone, but the one person he had always felt it was his duty to protect was senselessly, tragically, and needlessly murdered. The anger which had been lingering on a slow burn reignited. All his memories of her seemed to flood his tired overworked mind all at once, each demanding to be recognized. 

Kathryn felt his body stiffen, then heard the sharp intake of air as he shuddered, then trembled. She held him impossibly close, understanding the reason for his outburst. The intensity of these emotions frightened her, as it did when she was in his mind, drawing out of her all the buried feelings she’d spent years hiding from. Words would not ease the insidious pain plaguing his heart. She continued to hold him, as if the very action could draw it out, like poison from a wound. Comfort was the only poultice she could provide. 

Time passed, tears flowed, anger swelled to rage before reaching the zenith. An indescribable blend of emotions found its apex. Without intervention, he would skirt past the point of sanity, flirting with territories of the mind no one was meant to traverse, not without returning changed. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek, making shushing sounds in an attempt to calm him, reminding him of her presence, providing him an anchor.

His tears and breathing began to slow, her gentle voice and caress providing respite from the battle in his heart. His eyes remained closed as his head fell back onto the soft padding of the sofa. Listening to the gentle sounds her voice was making, her light touch providing soothing comfort. This was how his restless mind was distracted, lulled into a dreamless sleep. 

He didn’t wish to wake her, knowing she needed the rest as much as he did. Carefully, and with great effort, slid himself free and rested her head on the cushion he’d just abandoned. Gazing down at her, she looked peaceful, content, all the things he felt so far removed from. Pulling away, he scrubbed his face before heading into the bedroom, sliding the door closed behind him. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, his face resting on his palms, felt a strange numbness begin to overtake him. Leaving behind a level of emptiness he’d never known. Allowing himself to fall back onto the bed, his arms resting above him, there was a soft knock on the door. It took a few seconds before he found the will to answer. “Come in.”

Kathryn slid the door open and quietly entered the room. Her eyes came to rest on his form. He appeared lost, broken, all the things she had been trying to prevent. Taking a seat next to him, she reached out and gently placed a hand on his thigh, he appeared impartial by the intimate touch, summoning immediate alarm within her. She wasn’t prepared to lose any piece of him, not when she’d finally realized how much he was a part of her. 

Laying beside him, she draped an arm across his chest and pulled herself close, resting her head on his shoulder. He made no move to return the gesture, only stare at the ceiling. Tears stung her eyes, desperately she blinked them back. “I know how much this hurts,” she began softly, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, “feeling as though something vital has just been cruelly severed without warning. Your mind racing to identify the missing piece. It doesn’t know what part’s been taken; it just knows a part of it is missing. It races tirelessly for a solution it can never hope to find until it eventually resigns itself to the knowledge that whatever it is, is gone, and it isn’t coming back. It’s maddening in its way. Incomprehensible that someone you love is here one moment then isn’t. It doesn’t seem possible. You’re mind endlessly reworking the conundrum, attacking it from new perspectives, desperate for the puzzle to make sense, but it never does.”

Falling silent, she listened to the sound of his breathing. Watching his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. The emotion she had been aggressively trying to hold back spilled forth. Tears flooded her eyes, spilling in odd angles across her cheeks, clinging to him. “I’m afraid for you, and it’s killing me seeing you this way. I can’t stop this helpless feeling. Needing to save you but unable to. Please say something, anything,” she pleaded, “tell me what’s going on inside your head.”

She waited as patiently as she could for an answer, her own feelings of torment tearing at her heart. Finally, he spoke. “Nothing.”

“What?” She inquired softly. 

“I don’t feel anything anymore.” He answered simply, quietly.

She was hesitant to pry further but felt she had to. “Even about us?” 

He stopped, refusing to say anymore, and began to push himself up. Stunned, she allowed him to slip away from her as a cool numbness began spreading throughout her body. She wasn’t aware she had even taken his hand when offered, helping her to a sitting position. “Are you…saying…” She couldn’t, wouldn’t bring herself to acknowledge the thought forming in her mind. 

Although he felt empty, he wasn’t ready to burn any bridges, especially those he might want to cross again someday. Kneeling in front of her, he took her hands in his, they were cold. Capturing her eyes with his own he said. “Kathryn, I’m not ready to completely give up just yet, especially you. I just need time. It’s like you said, I’m still trying to find a solution to the conundrum. The emptiness I’m feeling right now might only be temporary, grief does strange things to people, you know this.”

She did, remembering the feeling all too well when her father and fiancée passed away. In some ways, it felt as if that happened a lifetime ago. She offered him a smile, which he returned. Gently pulling her hands from his, she reallocated their purpose. Putting her hands on his shoulders, she pulled him toward her, pressing him against her chest. Allowing her arms to slide down his back, she held him closer before resting her cheek on the top of his head. This time his arms rose, wrapping them around her waist, comforting her. “Don’t forget,” it was almost a whisper, “to remember how much I love you in your deliberations.” 

He laughed softly, a genuine smile spreading across his lips, giving a hint of the man she knew he was. He knew she needed to be reassured. What she had allowed herself to not only admit but feel was audacious, and he not only commended but admired her for it. Pulling back, he reached up to cup her tear-stained face in his hand, the smile still lingering on his lips. “I don’t think I could ever forget it.”

She smiled, grasping his hand, she turned her face to kiss the palm, pressing his hand against her lips a moment longer before letting go. “I’ll be on the bridge if you need me. The Doctor informed me that he gave you time off and set up some counseling sessions for you on the holodeck,” he nodded, “I want you to take all the time you need. I just hope, in the end, you’ll be ready to come back to me.”

Again, he nodded, not trusting himself to say anything further, afraid it might be something he’d regret later. Right now, he already had enough regret to last a lifetime. Without a word, she stood up and left, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

***

When the Doctor revealed the choice for his psychiatrist, he remembered thinking, at first, how this doctor wouldn’t be able to effectively treat him. Viktor Emil Frankl, a man born in the early twentieth century in Vienna, creator of the Logotherapy method, and Holocaust survivor, was a man out of time. It wasn’t until he began meeting with him on a regular basis, that he saw the logic in the Doctor’s choice.

They were in a recreation of the office he used to practice back in 1948. Doctor Frankl sat across from him, regarding him for a moment before replying to his previous statement, “If continuing a legacy were the only meaning to life, then life itself would become meaningless, and something which in itself is meaningless cannot be rendered meaningful merely by its perpetuation.”

Chakotay sighed, struggling with his feelings on the subject, believing he lacked the words to truly explain his thoughts. “I’m having trouble reconciling how anyone could murder not only an innocent mother but an infant.”

He replied with a question. “Do you believe in Heaven?” 

The question caught him off guard. He did believe in something once, but that seemed a long time ago. Tears brimmed his eyes, threatening to spill over. He found himself surprised by his reaction to the question, not to the question itself. His people believed that the spirit lives on, whether it be as a ghost or moving on to something greater. This was what his father referred to as ‘the great unknown’. “Maybe…once.”

“Do you believe one should be purified through years of suffering before they are worthy of life?” He looked up, really seeing him, an epiphany forming behind his eyes. “Life is not a test of repelling one’s own guilt they are alive when others they believe are more worthy, are not. Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human. Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. People today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for."

It was only then, in these many weeks, he accepted that he was, in fact, deserving of life, love, happiness. He could not change or control the past, only his attitude toward it. He loved his sister, father, mother. Nor did he regret the friendships and close bonds he’d made with all those in the maquis who had died. It reminded him of something Doctor Frankl said a couple of weeks ago, “Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.”

He knew at this moment, what he had to do. Standing, Doctor Frankl regarded him curiously. Chakotay extended his hand, with a slight smile, he stood up and grasped it. “Thank you, Doctor,” he said, for the first time in a long time, feeling optimistic about his future, “Computer, end program.”

Exiting the holodeck, he made his way to the bridge. Stepping out of the turbolift, his eyes scanned the room. Seeing Ensign Kim, he asked. “Where is Captain Janeway?”

Not having expected to see him on the bridge so soon, he stammered. “In her ready room.”

Giving him a nod, he acknowledged Tuvok as he passed before finding himself standing at the door, ringing the chime, it took only a few seconds for the doors to slide open. 

Kathryn was surprised to see him. “Chakotay? Is everything alright?” She asked rising from her chair. They had been seeing each other while she was off duty, resuming dinners, talking – but never about his feelings. He would do that in his own time, she knew. Now, he was in her office without warning, evoking an immediate concern for his well-being.

Without a word, he walked forward, closing the distance. Slipping his arm around her waist, he pulled her close, his lips crushing hers. Her arms rose without direction, hovering like a question in the air before finding purpose, embracing him back. He yearned to express his feelings for her, needing her to understand how much she truly meant to him. Then without warning, he broke the kiss. She stood, eyes closed, her mental processes temporarily overwhelmed before resuming normal function. 

“You are the most beautiful, intelligent, and understanding woman I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. You’ve been more patient than I ever expected or deserved. I’m sorry for shutting you out. Can you forgive me?” His eyes were pleading yet tender, loving, and kind. This was the man she’d been missing.

“If you have to ask for my forgiveness, then I’d have to ask for yours. Let’s just stop while we’re ahead and call it even,” then smiled, making him smile in return. 

Pulling her close again, his kiss was gentle, firm, delicate, and a clear declaration of love.

***

Three weeks later, he had returned to duty. Chakotay only met with Doctor Frankl when he felt himself beginning to slip back into those obsessive, destructive thoughts, which appeared to be lessening in duration and frequency. He spent more time with Kathryn, either visiting her quarters or she, his. They decided it was best to take things slow, building the relationship into something more durable over time. Not without desire, but sex, for now, was a complication removed from consideration. It would happen, eventually, when they both felt ready to unveil that level of vulnerability.

Around this time, Voyager had made contact with a species named the Ecieh. They were near human in appearance except for their skin and hair color, ranging from a variety picked from any hue of the rainbow. Due to their tropical climate, they wore thin flowing pieces of clothing. Their hair adorned with colorful feathers or flowers depending on the gender. Even though they were technologically advanced, and in some ways more so than themselves, they did not flaunt this power, preferring to spend their time focused on more spiritual pursuits. 

Janeway had managed to negotiate trade. Their spiritual leader Ro’vn was happy to consider their proposal, on one stipulation. They participate in an intimate and private ceremony.

“Arcom Ro’vn,” Janeway began, standing on the bridge facing the viewscreen, “What is the nature of the ceremony you are proposing?”

“We have observed that the trust given to other races is fundamentally no different than what we would expect from a close friend, lover, or mate. Extending that trust is a vulnerability few are willing to relinquish. Allowing in an outsider without knowing their true intentions would be the same as inviting a stranger into your home, hoping they would not harm you or exploit your goodwill. Is that a situation you would be comfortable with, Captain Janeway?”

She gave a soft sigh of acquiescence. “No, I wouldn’t,” she answered before asking. “If we agree to participate, what is the level of expectation?”

He smiled knowingly, “That you enter, prepared to face your greatest fear, knowing it could destroy you,” He paused, allowing the words to linger between them for a moment, “Due to the level of trust involved, it is customary to enter into the ceremony with a close friend, family member or mate.”

She looked to Chakotay, who seemed intrigued yet wary of the explanation. Turning back to Ro’vn she asked, “Who, and how many of us would you expect to participate?”

“As the leader of your vessel, and a representative of your people’s ideas. You would be expected, beyond that, it is up to you.”

She gave it as much thought as she could in the time allowed to her. “I accept your terms. When would you need us to arrive?”

“It will take several hours to make the necessary preparations. Due to its intense nature, your people should arrive tomorrow at twenty hundred hours, Earth time. That should also give sufficient time to gather any other members of your crew who wish to participate.”

“Thank you Arcom Ro’vn,” she said.

He bowed slightly, his arms crossing his chest, the flat of his palms resting just below his shoulders. “Until then,” the screen went dark.

Looking to Tuvok, “Prepare a report for the crew. Please be sure to stress the importance and level of trust the Arcom described.”

“Understood,” Tuvok gave a nod before relinquishing his station to another crew member, leaving the bridge to return to his office to prepare the report.

“Commander, can I speak with you in private. Lieutenant Paris, you have the bridge.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Slowly, Chakotay rose from his chair and followed her into the ready room. Once there, she offered him a beverage, which was declined before replicating herself a cup of coffee. Sitting next to each other on the sofa she stared into the cup before speaking, “I would like you to perform the ceremony with me, but I’ll understand if you say no,” then raised her eyes to meet his.

He nodded, expecting as much, “We do need the supplies, however, I’m not completely comfortable with this.”

“Somehow, I think that was the point,” She added, then set down her cup on the table. Taking his hand in hers, she knew how hard this was for him. He had been making excellent progress in his therapy, and the last thing she wanted was for him to find himself regressing back into the man she didn’t recognize. After a moment she said, “No, forget I asked. I can tell you’re more than just uncomfortable with the idea. I’ll ask Tuvok instead,” she began to raise her free hand to tap her com badge, until he clasped her gently by the wrist, stopping the motion. 

She looked questioningly into his eyes. “Don’t,” she lowered her hand, “I may not be comfortable with the idea, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do this with you,” he took a much-needed breath, “I love you, Kathryn, I can’t help myself. The prospect of your absence is…” He trailed off, finding it hard to express the depth of his feelings succinctly.

Reaching up to caress his cheek she whispered, “It’s alright, you don’t have to explain. Besides, I don’t think what we share can be explained with words. We’re too much a part of each other now, I can tell what you’re thinking with just a look, a touch.”

He met her eyes, and when he stared into them knew she was right. He always seemed to know what she was thinking, feeling, whether he wanted to or not, “I’m going with you. I need to do this, not just for you but for myself,” he said softly, his lips descending upon hers gently.

Fire was conveyed through them, warming her soul. She needed him long before she realized it. Her heart, tumultuous with pain and ambiguity, obscuring her ability to accept or see it for many years. Now, she couldn’t imagine a day without him. 

***

Moonlight filtered through the trees, accenting the soft light of the glowing orbs. Some of the crew decided to participate, five couples, three sets of friends. They had spent the last hour being dressed for the ceremony. Long white sleeveless dresses swayed in the breeze, stopping mid-calf, matched with a pair of white slippers. A crown of red and white flowers adorned each of the women’s heads. For the men, the same silky white material flowed down their chests, arms exposed with matching pants stopping just below the knee. White slippers covered their feet, on their heads, a crown of feathers. 

Each was led to the top of a flat hill, eight small white domes spread in a half-circle. Between them were stone pillars, each engraved with breathtaking works of art. Their language spiraled down the pillars, appearing to mix in flawlessly with the art. 

Forming two lines, Kathryn stood next to Chakotay, finding it difficult to take her eyes off him, as he did her. However, when Ro’vn crossed the ornate field to stand before them, their attention found a new focus. He held a cup in his hand, containing a mixture of purple, blue, red, and pink liquid appearing to swirl in its depths unassisted. 

“Are you prepared to begin?” He asked the participants. When they answered yes he continued. “First, a reminder, once you enter the domes, you will not be allowed to leave until planetary sunrise. Before you enter, each of you will share a cup of Ta’lon nectar, it will allow you to see your deepest desires, darkest fears. A few words of warning, you will not die as a result of the truth, but many are often changed by it. The nectar will bestow a gift to each of you, what the gift entails is unique to the drinker. Please, accept the gift when it is revealed, for it will do so in its own time.”

All of them were led to their domes. Kathryn could see Tom and B’Elanna over Chakotay’s shoulder, standing before the dome next to theirs. A cup was passed first to her, she drank half of the strange liquid before passing it to Chakotay. The taste was unusual but pleasant. As the entrance was revealed, she noticed the dimensions were such that a person could stand or lay down comfortably but not much else. The floor consisted of thick padding, providing support and comfort. Each of them stepped in and was sealed inside. The same dim light hovered above them, their only source of illumination. 

“What do we do now?” Chakotay asked.

“Perhaps we should take a seat and get comfortable, wait for the nectar to take effect.”

He nodded, agreeing with her decision. Facing each other, an awkward silence fell between them, “You look beautiful. I like your hair this way, natural, soft. You should wear it like this more often,” He said, admiring how it rested carelessly across her shoulders.

She blushed, feeling the warmth spreading across her face. Her fingers touched his gingerly, equally admiring the way he looked, how the white fabric appeared in contrast to his dark skin. He took her hand, offering a smile, which she returned, “How long do you suppose we have to wait until something happens?”

He gave a slight shrug of his shoulders, “Who knows. I don’t feel any different, do you?” She shook her head, and they fell silent again. After a moment he said, 

“This is ridiculous.”

“Why? How is this any different than your vision quests?” She asked innocently. 

He understood the way she meant it, she was only pointing out the truth, but the result was quite different. In a way, it felt she was pointing out the hypocrisy in his statement, “I’m not allowed to change my mind?”

She pulled back slightly, perplexed as to where the anger was coming from. Shifting to her knees she took his face in her hands, making her look at him, “Hey, you’re allowed to change your mind a hundred times. I only want you to be happy. You’ve made so much progress, don’t let a negative emotion destroy that.”

“If you’re going to keep making valid points then I’m in for a long night,” he replied with a slow smile.

A smile spread across her lips as she took him into her arms. He did the same in return and kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek on it. Closing her eyes, she commented, “This feels nice, being here alone with you like this, no one to bother us,” he agreed. As they held each other, she began to feel strange, but couldn’t describe the feeling, everything just felt off. “Chakotay?” She called but heard no response. 

Opening her eyes, she realized she was alone. Confused, she wondered how this could be. Hadn’t she just been holding him? She found herself standing on Voyager’s bridge. Looking around, she wasn’t alone. The entire bridge crew, including most of the former maquis, were standing shoulder to shoulder, all wearing their dress uniforms including herself. Their eyes desperately trying to hide any trace of sorrow as they focused on the center of the room. 

She didn’t want to follow their gaze, knowing that something was horribly wrong, that it had the power to break her. Feeling as though an unseen hand was forcing her to avert her gaze, her eyes fell upon a torpedo casing, the Federation flag draped over its contents. Her mind raced, trying to deny the anguish in her heart. Before she could stop herself, she reached out and pulled back the flag. Her eyes confirmed what her mind knew to be true, Chakotay was dead. “No,” she whispered, “this isn’t real,” she looked up, right into Tom Paris’ eyes, “this is a mistake,” Her body had already gone numb, her thoughts going around in circles trying to reconcile what her eyes were seeing. 

“Captain, please don’t,” He begged, barely able to contain his own emotions, “He’s gone, you have to let him go.”

She shook her head defiantly. “How did this happen? I want to know, now!”

His face contorted, struggling to maintain his composure, “You know how this happened. Please don’t make this any harder.”

Looking around the room she spotted Tuvok, he would give her an answer, “Tell me what happened?” Her eyes begged, pleaded.

He seemed reluctant, not that the information would upset him, but only serve to further intensify the emotionally charged atmosphere in the room. “Captain,” he began as he approached, moving close enough that only she would hear their conversation, “you are experiencing denial, one of the five stages of grief. Perhaps it would be best if you allowed me to continue in your stead.”

“No!” She shouted, taking a step back, rage overriding grief, “Please, someone just tell me what happened?”

“He killed himself,” it was Ayala who stepped forward and answered, “He couldn’t handle the pain anymore and ended it. I’m sorry,” his tears began to fall, as they did again from many of the eyes focused on her.

“He wouldn’t do that,” she reasoned, “I don’t – won’t believe that.”

“It’s true Captain,” Tuvok confirmed, “the Doctor could have provided the counter agent to the poison. However, by the time he was discovered, he had already been deceased for several hours.” 

Immediately, she lost all strength in her limbs, her body was falling, crashing to the ground. It felt as if part of her soul had suddenly and inexplicably gone missing. An anguished scream filled her ears, and it took several moments before she understood where the sound was emanating from, her.

Chakotay was beyond startled as the tormented cry pushed past her lips. Her body went limp, tears running freely across her cheeks. The crown of flowers fell from her head, rolling onto the floor as he laid her back. Reaching up he threw his off behind him, it was only getting in the way. “Kathryn!” He cried panicked, his hands feeling for a pulse, a sign that would tell him she was all right. Feeling none, the panic in his heart quickly rose to terror. 

“I need medical assistance!” His hand rose to tap the com badge that wasn’t there. “Damnit! Please help me! I think she’s dead!” No one seemed to be coming to his aid. Abandoning her for a moment, he crawled to what he thought was the entrance but there was no indication one had ever existed. Desperate he hit the walls with his fists, then with his feet, shouting, pleading for help. No one came. He was alone. Crawling back to her he tried administering CPR, finding his muscles tiring faster than anticipated, willing her eyes to open. 

Suddenly he stopped, finding the situation all too familiar. This had happened once before on that nameless planet he almost lost her on. Pushing himself up against the wall he stared at her body, his eyes shedding tears he hadn’t realized existed yet. He was filled with an indescribable rage, a feeling he had been wearing like a second skin for many weeks, always lingering just below the surface. It was a timebomb, ready to explode at a moment's notice. 

A shadow moved beside him, his head turned quickly, ready to unleash the madness within. A face came into view, and in that face he sat powerless, all feelings of ire gone. He sat defenseless, stunned, unable to get his mind moving in any direction other than complete surrender. Sekaya.

She smiled, a sight he remembered well. “What’s the problem, big brother?” His body had defied him the ability to reply, his eyes focused on her face, willing himself not to blink, thinking that if he did she would be gone. “I can see you’re Chakotay, but I don’t recognize the man you’ve become. When did my brother lose touch with himself?”

He had to, needed to reply, this might be his only chance. “Sekaya, my sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. Please forgive me.”

Giving a slight frown she answered, “There is nothing to forgive brother, you did nothing wrong. It was my decision to return home knowing the risks. You cannot protect me from myself, that responsibility was never yours, to begin with.”

“But-“ He tried to protest. Her fingers, warm and full of life touched his lips, ceasing their movement.

She laughed softly, a smile playing at her lips, “Always the protector. Some things never change, and maybe it’s good that some things never do, but not this,” her fingers fell away, “I don’t like the man you’re becoming, and neither does she.” Sekaya tilted her head in Janeway’s direction. “She has been patient, understanding, loving, but everyone has their limits. Do you really wish to see the day when even she no longer has the strength to stand by you?” His heart, the one he thought he had been protecting from pain and constant disappointment, shattered within his chest. Overcome with grief, he began to fall forward. Delicate, yet strong arms pulled him close to her chest. 

He cried, really cried for the first time since her death. It was the one thing he had not allowed himself to do, always keeping one hand on the pain, afraid that if he ever let go he’d be letting go of her, “I love you sister, and I know this rage is killing me, but it’s all I have left. I don’t want to forget you.”

Smoothing his head and back she comforted him, “Love should be all you have left. I have no use for your anger. It can neither help nor save me. All I have left is love, for you, and everyone who we’ve lost. Give your love fully, freely, and without expectation to her, before it’s too late.”

“She’s dead,” He cried into her chest, “it’s already too late.”

“Look closer brother,” she encouraged. Reluctantly he pulled back, turning his eyes toward Kathryn’s body, “You were mistaken, see how her chest rises and falls like the tide. Now go to her, show her the depth of your love. Do not let her question or forget it.” 

He did as instructed, crawling over to her he lifted her into his arms. Holding her close, he caressed her cheek, whispering words of love, calling her back to him.

Her eyes opened, each of them finding themselves in the same position in which they began, in each other’s arms. They pulled back, each studying the face of the other, wondering if what they had just experienced was real or an illusion. 

Staring into each other’s eyes, another feeling began to consume them, desire. It rose quickly, filling their veins like liquid fire. The outside world was a distant memory, all that mattered was the hunger yearning to be quenched in a fervor of passion. 

Laying her on her back, he kissed her deeply, infusing her with heat as his hands licentiously wandered over her body, touching every part he could reach, as hers touched him. Pushing up her dress, he moved on top, freeing himself as her legs spread wide in anticipation. His hand ripping away the final barrier between them before sliding himself inside. She moaned as he lowered his face into her neck, his body finding a rhythm as she thrust her hips to meet him. Gasping, her chest pressed hard against his as their two galaxies collided, sending shockwaves throughout their bodies, his moans encouraging new heights of ecstasy. All that remained was euphoria, eventually giving way to sleep. 

When morning came, the dome was opened, sunlight illuminating a tangle of arms and legs wrapped possessively around the other. Their eyes slowly opened, hearing a familiar voice filled with kindness, rousing them from sleep. It was Ro’vn. Offering his hand Janeway took it, allowing him to help her to her feet. The same hand was also offered to Chakotay, which he accepted. 

“Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay,” he began, greeting them with a gentle smile, “last night was meant for the two of you alone. It is not necessary to ever speak of it,” he assured, “Know that the spirits have revealed the intentions of your hearts, your motives pure. We will provide you with the supplies you need, and know should you ever pass this way again; you and your crew will be known as a friend to the Ecieh.”

“Thank you Arcom Ro’vn,” she replied, almost as though she were still in a trance. 

“You may still be feeling the effects of the nectar. It may be a few more hours before it runs its course. Your people have been notified and will arrive to escort you back to your ship.”

She nodded, and without thinking, reached back and took Chakotay’s hand, unafraid of any consequence to the action. He was still feeling the effects, allowing himself to accept it before guiding her into his arms. They stood there holding each other, eyes closed, assured in the knowledge they were meant to be together.

***

Nearly four weeks had passed since their night on the Ecieh’s homeworld. It had changed them in ways neither expected. Since that night, and every night that followed, slept in the comfort of the arms of the other. Never discussing what the other saw that night, some things were meant to remain private. 

Chakotay was in his office, reviewing next week's duty roster when the door chime sounded. Giving the words of entry, he was surprised to see Naomi Wildman stepping through the door. “Ms. Wildman, this is an unexpected surprise. What can I do for you?” He asked with a genuine smile. She appeared apprehensive, uncertain of how to begin. “Is something wrong?” He inquired, concerned.

“I’m…not sure.” She looked almost stunned. 

“Take a seat,” his hand gesturing to the seat across his desk, “tell me what’s on your mind.”

She did as instructed. “Commander, my mother explained to me that Captain Janeway and yourself are now a couple. Correct?”

He nodded, not quite understanding her trepidation, “We are. Is this a change that bothers you?”

“No,” she answered quickly, “of course not.” 

This game of twenty questions was becoming a little tedious. “Naomi, look at me,” he instructed, and immediately she did, “what’s got you so worked up? If you feel you can’t talk to me then perhaps I can get Neelix down here-“

“No!” She cut him off forcefully, indicating in one word that this was the last thing she wanted. “Alright Commander, it’s about the Captain.”

When she just stopped, he stared at her confused, needing more information if he were going to understand the problem. “What about her?”

“Recently she decided to make me her Assistant, and I’m grateful for the opportunity, but…”

“But…?” He repeated, trying to coax it out of her.

“Well, we were in her ready room discussing what my duties would be. Then she…”

“Then she what?” He almost shouted, it was like pulling teeth.

“She was different, happier I guess?”

“Happy is good.” He continued to try and keep the conversation moving. 

“When she asked me to name all thirty General Orders, starting with the Prime Directive, I was able to do so easily. Every time I got a question right, she would smile and reach out to stroke my hair, or gently caress my cheek.”

“Did this make you uncomfortable?”

“Not exactly,” she answered, struggling to find the words, “it made me feel…strange, almost like she was a different person. I have at times seen her pat someone on the shoulder or arm, but this was…”

“Awkward?” He offered.

“Yes!” I expect that kind of affection from my mom, but to get it from Captain Janeway just felt weird.”

“I see,” Then replied with a nod, “I’ll go talk to her, see what’s going on.” 

She sighed relieved. “Thank you, Commander. I respect the Captain greatly, and one day I hope to be like her.”

“I’m sure she’s flattered knowing how much you look up to her. She’s never really been a mentor to someone your age before, perhaps she thought you needed special encouragement. Consider the matter handled.” 

Standing, she gave him a smile before leaving. 

Tapping his com badge, he asked. “Computer, where is Captain Janeway?”

“Captain Janeway is in her quarters.” The computer stated. 

Looking at the time, he realized both their shifts ended almost an hour ago. Still having plenty of time to confirm next week's duty roster, he left the padd sitting on his desk before turning off the lights and leaving his office. 

***

Upon entering their quarters, the first thing he noticed was Kathryn sitting on the sofa, a bowl of coffee ice cream in one hand and holding a data padd in another. She looked up at him with a wide smile. “How was your day?” She asked. 

“Fine,” he answered, shrugging out of his jacket and laying it over the back of the chair. Resting his arms on the back he studied her curiously, “Is that what we’re having for dinner now?”

“What?” She questioned, confused. 

“The ice cream.”

“Oh! No of course not. I’ve got dinner in the replicator. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Famished.”

“Good, now go sit down and I’ll get it on the table.” 

He did but continued to watch as she fluttered around the room. Continuing to eat from the bowl in her hands. When she walked past him, he reached up and grasped her wrist gently. Removing the bowl and setting it on the table before taking her onto his lap. “Slow down love. No need to rush everywhere. What do you need me to do?” 

“It’s alright, I got it covered,” She answered, reaching back for the bowl. 

His hands stopped her once again. “So, you want to tell me what’s going on with you or do I need to relay my visit with Naomi Wildman?”

Ice cream forgotten, she turned in his lap to face him, concern etched on her face. “Is she alright? She seemed fine by the time she left my ready room this afternoon.”

“You were overly affectionate with her it seems. Made her feel uncomfortable.” He stated. 

Without warning, she burst into tears. “I’m so sorry. I’ll have to make a point to apologize. I don’t want anyone on this ship feeling uncomfortable. I’ll go talk to her right now.” She said then attempted to get up. 

He knew something was wrong but had no idea what it was. It couldn’t be a side effect of the nectar, could it? “We need to see the Doctor. Have him run a few tests.”

“I’m fine,” she protested, really.

“And you may very well be. But I’d feel better if we had you checked out. The last thing we need is any more surprises. Agreed?” Reluctantly, she did. 

***

Stepping into sickbay, the Doctor was surprised to see them. “Ahh Captain, Commander. What can I do for you today?”

“I’d like you to run some tests on the Captain,” Chakotay answered.

He gave a frown as he escorted her over to a biobed, picking up a medical tricorder on the way. After a few moments, he asked. “Captain, are you experiencing any mood swings? Sensitivity in your breasts? “

“I beg your pardon?” Chakotay asked before Janeway could get a word out. 

“I assure you, Commander, these questions are necessary,” then turned his attention back to Janeway, tears running down her face. “Are you alright Captain?”

She sobbed, unable to control it or understand it. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. One moment everything’s fine, then the next I’m crying for the silliest reasons.”

“Well, based on my scans I think I may have an answer for you.” 

“And that is?” It was Chakotay who asked. 

“You’re pregnant. Congratulations.” He answered with a smile. 

Chakotay and Kathryn stared at each other for a moment, without words knew what this meant. The gift Arcom Ro’vn warned them about. “I’ve been feeling strange, but never considered this to be the reason,” Kathryn stated, the tears a memory. “How long will this odd behavior last?”

“I’ll provide some treatment to help with the mood swings, but you’ll have to take things, easy Captain. Creating a new life is a big job.” 

“She will Doctor. I’ll see to it.” Chakotay answered, giving Kathryn a smile. 

Placing a hypospray to her neck he announced, “This should help reduce the mood swings, but I want you back in here tomorrow morning for another series of extensive tests. 

She nodded, part of her not fully accepting the idea she was going to be a mother, or that Chakotay was going to be a father for that matter. 

Sliding off the bed, she appeared as if in a daze, when Chakotay walked her out and back to their quarters. Realizing for the first time, how much her life was about to change, but a change she was prepared to welcome as long as she had Chakotay by her side. 

***

Laying in bed, Chakotay’s arms wrapped around Kathryn’s waist protectively. He was going to be a father, and the woman he loved more than life would be the mother of his child. He couldn’t help that they might have received two gifts. Claiming love and letting go of anger and regret, and her giving him one of the things he’d always wanted with her, a child of their own. 

Hearing her breathing softly, he slowly slid out of bed and quietly entered the living room. Picking up a data padd he sat down on the sofa and began to construct a letter. 

_To my son or daughter,_

_Your mother and I have just learned of your impending arrival today, and we could not be happier with the news. We have so much love to give you, more than you could possibly want I’m sure._

_It took your mother and me a while to finally accept that we were meant to be together. You’re joining an unusual family, which you will no doubt understand by the time you’re old enough to read this. No matter what happens, always remember you are wanted, you will always be special to us, and that your mother and I will always be there for you without hesitation or expectation._

_The crew of Voyager will also be your allies, as well as your family. Go to them if you ever need anything. They will help you find your way. And if we ever reach the alpha quadrant. I will take you to all the places our people have walked, teach you a side of your culture that comes from me. Your mother will teach you her side, and always in her own unique way. I will tell you of your aunt Sekaya, and how she taught me that love is the only thing that matters._

_Your Father,  
Chakotay_

**Author's Note:**

> Members, as well as guests, are free and able to leave comments on any of my work.


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